Candleroller: Part 13

Dear Far Far Away,

Oh my God, oh my God! Today is the day of the party! I am looking rather lovely, if I may say so. Mum's done a great job with my dress. It's a lovely long, flowing gown that even covers my bum. Of course, I thought that by shortening it I'd have had the Prince eating out of hand, but Mum said that it wasn't respectable for a lady to be seen with hair below the hemline.

Mum has given both me and Driz a bag of essentials that we'll need for our big night. She's not fussed which one of us pulls the prince (so long as she can live in a castle) so she's given us exactly the same items. Being ladies of fashion, she's packed several bottles of fake tan so we can top ourselves up in the bogs if our sweat starts to smear it. There are also numerous lengths of fake nails and fake eyelashes and more than 30 varieties of perfume to seduce the prince with.

One thing I was confused about were all the condoms. I just don't get it. I mean, sure, Mum is looking after out best interests by expecting an energetic end to the evening, but if there's one thing that daytime TV taught me, it's that using a rubber only lessens the chance of a sprog at the end of it all.

Frankly, how else am I expected to get the Prince to make me a kept woman?



1 comment:

Rob Z Tobor said...

Its a whole way of life I know nothing about, the last party I went to we played dominoes