Dear Far Far Away,
A few weeks ago Bacon invited myself, Pork and Gammon over for a bite to eat. He was celebrating the construction of his high security eco-house. Built into the side of a hill, Bacon had accommodated all modern conveniences from fine china swill bowls, to a fully insulated sty with a trotter pedicure set.
We arrived at his house to find a note on the door: “Out truffle hunting, please let yourself in and make yourself at home”. Pork had tried the handle but found that Bacon had engaged the security system, and we were all locked out. Rather than waiting outside we decided to go and find Bacon in the forest.
Some time later we stumbled across a man and a lady having an argument. It seemed that the man was told he had to kill the lady but she didn't much fancy dying. We spotted Bacon pottering about beneath a tree not far from them, seconds before the man lashed out, killing Bacon. The man then proceeded to gut Bacon and steal his heart, while the lady ran off.
Well, although we couldn't save Bacon we asked some of the animals to keep an eye on the lady to make sure she was safe. The world just isn't safe with psychopaths running around gutting innocents.
Poor Bacon, God rest his soul. Even his legacy was a bit of a waste of time – noone can get past his security because it's all trotterprint protected.
Yours,
Ham.
A few weeks ago Bacon invited myself, Pork and Gammon over for a bite to eat. He was celebrating the construction of his high security eco-house. Built into the side of a hill, Bacon had accommodated all modern conveniences from fine china swill bowls, to a fully insulated sty with a trotter pedicure set.
We arrived at his house to find a note on the door: “Out truffle hunting, please let yourself in and make yourself at home”. Pork had tried the handle but found that Bacon had engaged the security system, and we were all locked out. Rather than waiting outside we decided to go and find Bacon in the forest.
Some time later we stumbled across a man and a lady having an argument. It seemed that the man was told he had to kill the lady but she didn't much fancy dying. We spotted Bacon pottering about beneath a tree not far from them, seconds before the man lashed out, killing Bacon. The man then proceeded to gut Bacon and steal his heart, while the lady ran off.
Well, although we couldn't save Bacon we asked some of the animals to keep an eye on the lady to make sure she was safe. The world just isn't safe with psychopaths running around gutting innocents.
Poor Bacon, God rest his soul. Even his legacy was a bit of a waste of time – noone can get past his security because it's all trotterprint protected.
Yours,
Ham.
1 comment:
Life can be tough sometimes it like being back in the eighties, 1984 to be precise. I remember it well big hair and big shoulders.
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