Dear Far Far Away,
I've been traipsing around the forest for two days now. I was quite happy cleaning the floors for my mother-in-law (everyone has to pull their weight in such a big castle), but now she's kicked me out. To top it all off that creep, Huntsman, followed me out here, held a knife to my throat and tried to kiss me.
Luckily, on Daddy's advice I took karate as a child. It's amazing what a swift foot to the ear will do to people, even if they're armed. Anyway, he started blubbing about how he'd loved me since school (note: check if we did actually did go to school together) and how he couldn't possibly kill me. Why would he want to kill me anyway? I'm the step-daughter of the Queen and first in line to the throne. If he killed me then surely she'd quickly make a Huntsman stew of him.
As I tried to calm him down he just got more agitated saying that I was only showing pity now because he had a knife. He randomly struck out at this poor little piggy that was walking by and then he started decapitating it. He said he'd just come up with a brilliant plan, but by now I was completely freaked out and I scarpered, quick.
Despite being hopelessly lost, I don't feel alone. All the birds come up to me and land on my shoulder, deer sidle up alongside me and rabbits hop around my feet. Some people might think that's cute, but I'm walking a minefield of poop, and I have ants in my pants which are starting to itch. I wish they'd all just leave me alone!
Yours,
Snow
I've been traipsing around the forest for two days now. I was quite happy cleaning the floors for my mother-in-law (everyone has to pull their weight in such a big castle), but now she's kicked me out. To top it all off that creep, Huntsman, followed me out here, held a knife to my throat and tried to kiss me.
Luckily, on Daddy's advice I took karate as a child. It's amazing what a swift foot to the ear will do to people, even if they're armed. Anyway, he started blubbing about how he'd loved me since school (note: check if we did actually did go to school together) and how he couldn't possibly kill me. Why would he want to kill me anyway? I'm the step-daughter of the Queen and first in line to the throne. If he killed me then surely she'd quickly make a Huntsman stew of him.
As I tried to calm him down he just got more agitated saying that I was only showing pity now because he had a knife. He randomly struck out at this poor little piggy that was walking by and then he started decapitating it. He said he'd just come up with a brilliant plan, but by now I was completely freaked out and I scarpered, quick.
Despite being hopelessly lost, I don't feel alone. All the birds come up to me and land on my shoulder, deer sidle up alongside me and rabbits hop around my feet. Some people might think that's cute, but I'm walking a minefield of poop, and I have ants in my pants which are starting to itch. I wish they'd all just leave me alone!
Yours,
Snow
Everyone loves a sob story.
2 comments:
Snow! Ah, the life of cute pooping bunnies isn't for everyone - too true.
Dear Jan,
Alas, Snow is a Princess and probably doesn't deal with poop on a daily basis.
Yours,
Far Far Away
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